Comical Quotes from Historical Figures

Sometimes, I don't have to do too much to make the cartoon funny.  Since my main target is history, there's a lot of stupid things people say over the microphones, but here are some good ones that are direct quotes without any twisting, bending, cropping or editing.  Do you have a favorite comical quote from history? I can never get tired of reading quips and quotes from Will Rogers.

"He who slings mud generally loses ground."

...Adlai Stevenson


"If you can't be kind, at least be vague."
...Judith Manners




"If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married."
...Katherine Hepburn




"If you want to say it with flowers, a single rose says : "I'm cheap!"
...Delta Burke




"It is useless to hold a person to anything he says while he's in love, drunk, or running for office."
...Shirley MacLaine




"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."
...Will Rogers




"Things without remedy, should be without regard; what is done, is done."
...William Shakespeare




"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and it looks like work."
...Thomas Edison




"You can't hold a man down without staying down with him."
...Booker T. Washington




"Keep in mind that whoever came up with the old adage, Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you, was obviously deaf."
...Unknown




"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."
...Unknown




"Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be."
...Kurt Vonnegut




"Be aware that a halo has to fall only a few inches to be a noose."
...Dan McKinnon




"Love all. Trust a few. Do wrong to none."
...William Shakespeare




"It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt."
...Mark Twain




"It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."
...Eleanor Roosevelt




"O, What may man within him hide,
Though angel on the outward side!"
...William Shakespeare




"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."
...Mark Twain




"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."
...Henry David Thoreau




"Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time; for that's the stuff life is made of."
...Benjamin Franklin